Children getting along
Children don’t always get along, it is a fact of life. Not just children, adults as well it’s just that children are more direct about it. They tell us, and often other people, bluntly “I don’t like her/ him/ that” (take your pick). It can be seen as tactless and rude but you can’t force children to get along.
Even very young children and babies get on with some people better than others. When my son was a baby, there was another at his creche who he loved and they would talk to each other (babbling yes but who’s to say what they understood?). My godfather was the very obvious object of my son’s affections for a whole day. It was to the extent he would protest if my godfather was out of sight and decided not to sleep at all when he was still on two naps a day. That evening it was a definite challenge for him to finish his bottle as he was shattered.
At times my boy gets on well with his young companions and at others he’d rather be alone, that may be partly because he’s an only child but that’s another issue. One thing that I have always loved about children and criticized parents for being too rigid about, is their acceptance of people, regardless of anything. I’m not going to rant about racism and sexism and homophobia and superficiality and goodness knows what else I hope my child never demonstrates. That again, is another (or many other) issue(s). But to use my own experience;
We were on holiday in Wales, my mother, grandmother, son (Nathaniel) and I. One day, armed with a trusty bucket and spade, we made to the beach. Nathaniel had great fun being torn between the desire to create and destroy, when a little boy wandered over. We automatically offered him the opportunity to join in, to which he didn't respond in any way other than staring at us. When his parents walked up we realised it was because, unlike his parents, he didn't speak English. We made the brief acquaintance of a young German family.
It was not brief because we have that strange distrust many Britons seem to have of Germans, it was simply we spent half an hour with them before they had to go. Now here is where I come to the point. My boy had no concept that this child was any different from his friends and both boys thoroughly enjoyed playing together without a word the other said making sense. Of course most of the dialogue included counting ( the ein, zwei, drei, vier funf etc making me smile and reminisce about my high school German lessons) but it shows many things. One, language need not be as big a barrier as we make it, two, children are children and can get on regardless and three, why do we have problems with difference when our children don’t? Simple, we’re broken, society and the like (and yes, I include our parents) tell us some people are simply “wrong”. Being different is still not acceptable, whatever we say it’s not. I’m not saying we should accept this and I’m not saying it’s okay, we shouldn’t and it’s not but it is, unfortunately, a fact.
Now we tell our children to be wary of strangers and I fully support that, but when they’re in your care and safe why shouldn’t they get to know other people? Why shouldn’t we? Every good friend was once a stranger. It doesn’t mean we should blindly trust or accept people, it just means that we, I think, should be a little more open. Jewish and Christian children play together, black, white and Asian children play together, my son and a German boy played together. When I see things like that it both warms my heart and makes me sad. when the childhood innocence of my boy leaves him will his acceptance leave with it?
It is something I think about and worry about but my point is this. Children like and dislike, that’s life. Children don’t discriminate, that is not something you’re born with it is something you’re taught. I will teach my child right from wrong, I will teach my child how I think he should behave, I have not and will not ever tell my child something like “You cannot play with him, he’s German” and I believe he’ll be happier for it.
