Funny Tripadvisor Reviews
Since its launch in 1993, the internet has come a long way. Some of us do remember the days of dial-up, ask Jeeves (he was axed in 2006 but the search engine ask still exists) and how amazing it was. Everyone got very excited about e-mail and though snail mail may have seemed to be on its way out, now it's kind of done a 180 with email seen as a chore and people getting dead excited about getting letters. The internet changed the world forever and it just keeps going.
Whatever people think about the internet, its content how, safe it is, etc it has become a part of everyday life for everybody, we're on it right now of course. One thing that many of us love about the internet is how many idiots, fools, and the like have learned how to use it and inadvertently given us endless entertainment. Many websites, blogs, and even comedians have trawled the internet comments to find these people. For one that I personally find great fun, have look on youtube for Dave Gorman's found poems. You can also trawl for these yourself or do what I do, let sites like boredpanda do it for me.
The UK (Northern Ireland, Wales, Scotland, and England) thrives off tourism. With our historic buildings, landmarks and more, we attract a lot of people to our shores. However, some people are very hard to please and don't bother doing any kind of research for themselves. While I don't wish to waste my time trying to reason with these people, I'll reply to them in this way. A way they probably will never see but you may enjoy.
When there are multiple reviews I'll share them all and reply overall. After the reply, I'll write a paragraph of my reaction to the review.
Big Ben
First of all, let me educate a little, Big Ben is actually the name of the bell inside the clock, not the clock itself. The tower in which it resides is actually called Elizabeth Tower. The construction of the clock tower began in 1843. It took seven years for the clock design to be finalised and in 1859, it was finally completed and started ticking on 31st May. Of course, Big Ben itself didn't start ringing till June, then broke, and so on and so forth. Either way, it is a famous landmark, often Instagrammed, and is a very recognisable tourist attraction. A little research (and probably a guidebook) could give you a little of its history if you were so inclined, it has a decent-sized one, but yes, it is a clock tower. A very old, tall one with a famous bell but a clock tower nonetheless. I do wonder what these people expected.
Reply Dear reviewers,
We are sorry you were let down by our beautiful, historical clock tower. It is indeed little more than a famous clock with a famous bell. We have no plans to ever build it higher, nor will it change to a digital clock. That would spoil it in so many ways. While it was part of the structure blown up in V for Vendetta this was not out of dislike or disrespect for the clock, we advise you to reacquaint yourself with the plot. If you own a grandfather clock, we suggest in the future you Instagram that while enjoying a staycation at home. As an alternative, we suggest a trip to Legoland.
First of all, well excuse us for not building it into the sky. We weren't aiming for a skyscraper or anything here and it's a historical building, we will maintain and restore it, but it ain't getting higher love. Also no, it won't be digital in thirty years. It's been an analogue clock for over 160 years and is run by clockwork, that is how the bell works. Also, it is essentially part of the House of parliament, that's why it was blown up in V for Vendetta, which by the way is a film based on a graphic novel, I feel whoever wrote that review may be confused and think it was real. I don't see anyone who made any false promises about what the clock tower is. I assume most people say "If you go to London, you should go and see Big Ben." It's like a checklist of things you're 'supposed' to visit if you go to London. And telling us it is a big clock? Yeah, we can kind of see that.
Arthur's Seat
Simply put a hill in Scotland, it's actually an ancient volcano. Dormant of course, though maybe we should send a few of these people to Etna. The hill is popular as it is relatively easy to climb and provides spectacular panoramic views. There is dispute over the name. Some think is named for the legendary King Arthur, who is believed by many to have been King of England from the late 5th to early 6th century. Another theory that is is a corruption of Àrd-na-Said, Gaelic for Height of Arrows or Hill of the Archers. If it was at some time called Archer's Seat, it could have changed to Arthur's. It is what it is, a beautiful place, and a hill that is good to climb and rewards the walker with wonderful views. It doesn't really promise more.
Reply: Dear reviewer,
We in no way meant to imply that this was an actual seat or seating area, sorry for the misunderstanding. If you wish to visit again may we suggest bringing a picnic blanket as to avoid unsightly stains.
Some people are far too literal. I wonder if that's why places in the UK with bottom in the name are not popular with tourists. Do these people believe the stories behind places like Devil's Nightcap? They obviously did not look this place up at all just heard about it. I usually look up a place before I go so would have probably taken a picnic blanket. If you're going to sit on the ground it's not really going to be clean.
Stonehenge
You could probably guess where this is going. Stonehenge is a group of stones set out a certain way. While there have been many varying opinions and discussions on what it was actually for, it's now believed it was a burial ground for important people which was then used essentially as a venue. People from all over the country would meet there to celebrate the summer solstice. Prehistoric and impressive, it is a popular destination for tourists and natives alike.
Apologies that you were not impressed, we were under the impression the name was a clue to what this was. As this is an important historical monument we regret to inform you that it shall not be destroyed, especially not to build something more modern here. We also feel the need to clarify it is not a pile of stones, the stones were placed in specific places for specific reasons we won't bore you with. In the future, we suggest maybe looking up a place before visiting as apparently place names are not informative.
As a monument and landmark, Stonehenge is very important. It is a monument to our history, important discoveries were made here, and is a prehistoric marvel of engineering. The history behind it, which I won't go into here, is truly interesting and extraordinary. It was important from a religious standpoint and is the scene of the last real sense of togetherness and community. I think some people these days expect places to have lots to do and spoon-feed everything about it.
Abbey Road
A very famous road, home to a very famous studio, that four very famous men recorded at then used a photo of them crossing said road for the cover of a very famous album, most everyone has heard of it. Many go to recreate the famous photo, even if it is just of them and people feel very privileged to visit the studio. A great achievement for a road to become a tourist attraction. However, some people went there, who apparently encountered drivers who didn't recognise a zebra crossing.
Reply: Dear reviewer,
We are sorry that you defied death to take pictures at Abbey Road. We can only assume that drivers did not give way, as required by law, at the zebra crossing. In the future, we suggest looking both ways and crossing at a time that either the drivers have stopped, or have plenty of time in which to do so.
I assume this individual either loves to complain for some reason, didn't realise this was a zebra crossing, or crossed the road at a bad time. Either way, bit idiotic. I hope to one day go to Abbey Road and have my photo taken crossing the zebra crossing. I doubt I will need to risk my life to do so but I suppose with some of the people who really shouldn't be driving these days, I guess I will have to be prepared.
Ben Nevis
While I have climbed mountains, it is not exactly on my list of things I enjoy. I do believe that you would know before climbing it, what it is and that it is high. I mean, at least those with eyes and more than two brain cells to rub together. It is another ancient volcano. It erupted and collapsed in on itself. I like the fact we have so many extinct volcanos in the UK. I may climb it one day, I would not really expect there to be much at the top. Apparently, I am one of a small number.
Reply: Dear reviewer,
We are sorry you didn't enjoy your trip to Ben Nevis. As this mountain is a third higher than Snowdon and quite steep, it is not feasible to have facilities at the top. In future, we suggest picking a shorter mountain, such as Snowdon.
Mount Snowdon is 1085mitres high. It has a train that can take you to the top where there are facilities. Ben Nevis is 1345mitres high and there are likely several reasons why there's nothing at the top. It may be that, as you have to climb it yourself, nothing up there would be used enough, and maintaining it would not be worth it. whatever the reason, this is yet another example of people not doing the proper research before they visit a place. I think most mountains are devoid of facilities at the top.
Giant's Causeway
The result of an ancient volcanic fissure eruption, the giant's causeway is 40,000 interlocking basalt columns. A natural wonder that is an official nature reserve, some people go there merely to be able to say they have. The legend that gives the phenomena its name, is a good one. Irish giant Fionn and Scottish giant Benandonner got into a fight. When Benandonner challenged Fionn, Fionn built the causeway across the North channel to meet him. The rest of the story has several versions. In one Fionn beats Benendonner, in another Fionn, upon seeing the size of his opponent, hides. A third version is that Fionn's wife, Sadhbh, disguises Fionn as a baby and puts him in a cradle. Upon seeing the size of 'the baby', Benandonner realises the father would be much bigger, and flees back to Scotland, destroying the causeway so that Fionn cannot follow him. At Fingal's Cave in Scotland, there are identical columns caused by the same ancient eruption, which probably influenced the story.
Reply: Dear reviewer,
We are sorry you did not enjoy your recent visit to the Giant's Causeway. Yes, it is a lot of rocks. If you feel it was too far away and not worth your time or money we suggest doing a little research before going to natural wonders in the future.
It's bad enough when people complain about manmade wonders, like the individual who went to the colosseum and was annoyed because they couldn't find information for when performances would be on and it was so poorly maintained. You think I'm joking, I'm not. But natural wonders? What do these people expect? Do they just here about a place and go to it without finding out what it actually is?
National Gallery
National Gallery, makes me think art. Paintings mainly. There could be other things such as sculptures, photos, and sketches perhaps. Say gallery and I picture famous paintings by famous people adorning the walls. I truly wonder what other people expect.
Reply: Dear reviewer,
We are sorry you did not enjoy your visit to the National Gallery. If you could let us know why famous pictures in a gallery disappointed you we would find it most helpful.
I mean seriously, SERIOUSLY, what did they expect?
London Eye
The London Eye, for those who don't know, is a very large observation wheel that was built in part to celebrate the new millennium. You can book a pod for yourself and any guests for events, such as weddings and parties. It has been referenced and shown in popular culture and was booked by a band to use as part of a music video. It is hugely popular and people often book tickets to make sure they'll be able to ride it when they visit. It boasts good views of London, especially on clear days.
Reply: Dear reviewers,
We are sorry you did not enjoy your ride on the London Eye. The differences between the eye and a Ferris wheel are that you are enclosed in a pod rather than sitting in the open air, more than three people can fit in a pod, you are treated to a high view of London, a photo is taken and it takes you to a height of 135 metres. It is an observational wheel, not a Ferris wheel. Of course, it is not an actual eye, that would be very unusual and could be something people find disturbing. In the future we suggest not going on something you can see will take you up high when you are not fond of heights.
The man who says it's not an actual eye confuses me, did he think it was? Also, you would think people could see what it was before they got on. It has never claimed to be more than it is. I have been on it, I was not enthused but I'm not someone who does revel in the idea of an observational wheel. Also, why would you ride it if you're afraid of heights? Why didn't he leave his wife and daughter to enjoy it alone and go complain about Big Ben to pass the time?
Royal Botanic Gardens, Kew
A botanical research and education institution, people visit Kew Gardens to see the beautiful and unusual plants and flowers. Pretty self-explanatory what it is, it still seems some people don't understand that sometimes, it is pretty much what it says on the tin.
Reply: Dear reviewer,
We are sorry you did not enjoy your visit to Kew Gardens. We aim to show beautiful and exotic plants and offer a selection of light meals to those who spend the day with us. We suggest you avoid visiting gardens in the future.
What do these people expect? It's a garden, it will have plants and flowers. What else is there going to be? Do you think maybe they were expecting a swing set?
The Roman Baths
Buildings, statues, and really anything that has survived the fall of an entire empire and/or civilisation is always popular. a real glimpse into the lives of those who lived nearly 2000 years ago is amazing. These surviving constructions can teach us a lot, we can see styles from the time, the ingenuity of the Romans, and how they lived. An advanced civilisation, it can be fascinating to see how far they actually came in years long before the tools we have today were even dreamt of.
Reply: Dear reviewer,
We are sorry you did not enjoy your trip to the Roman Baths. As we understand that young people can find such attractions uninteresting, we suggest in the future you avoid them and instead learn about our varied past and culture by reading a history book or give up altogether and find an arcade.
I understand to a point, some young people really aren't interested but it begs the question of why they went there in the first place. If they were dragged there why did they leave a review? Were they trying to deter young people? Just because you find a place boring doesn't mean you should give it a bad review, just decide it's not for you.
Edinburgh Castle
A castle in a beautiful location packed with history with activities for children and tours available, Edinburgh castle is a popular one. Also available for events such as weddings, it is said to be one of the most exciting castles to visit. If however, you are not interested in such things, it begs the question as to why you would go.
Reply: Dear reviewers,
We are disappointed to hear you did not enjoy your visit to Edinburgh Castle. Becoming drunk and disorderly means you would be thrown out of most places and as this is a family-friendly attraction, we would not wish to encourage alcohol consumption. It is a castle so is much like a castle. If you do not find the history interesting we suggest you do more research before visiting castles in the future.
If there was a concert here I bet it was brilliant and I still wonder at people who need to drink alcohol to have fun. If you get drunk do you really expect no repercussions? Also, each castle has its own history. I don't think these reviewers actually tried the tours they just walked around themselves and lost interest. Castles are really attractions for architecture and history purposes. Other reasons are events on and venue hire, otherwise, why would you go in the first place? Tours are always useful and more informative. I have a feeling these people were just cheap and didn't want to spend a few extra pounds (I believe the audio tour is £3) to enhance the experience or, god forbid, learn something.
Warwick Castle
Now with a castle dungeon experience, I would love to go here one day. An old castle with people visiting from the 17th Century it has become a huge tourist attraction. With wax figures of historical figures and rooms said to be holding authentic furniture, it attracts thousands of visitors a year. With a history that dates back to 1066, there is much to see and do with seasonal events and even accommodation.
Reply: Dear reviewer,
We are saddened to hear you did not enjoy your visit. We have never tried to emulate Disneyland and have been around over 800 years before Disneyland, therefore it is probably more accurate to say Disneyland is a Warwick Castle wannabe. We assure you our history is accurate but based on your review we suggest a trip to Disneyland is more your style.
A Disneyland wannabe? Seriously? I think they took a little too much from Fantasy Land. I'm pretty sure if you added the price of parking, entrance and attractions, Disneyland is more expensive. I swear some people think these places are built for people's entertainment. Perhaps they should study a little more history themselves. Apparently historical places get it wrong.
The Angel of the North
A famous sculpture by Antony Gormley, the Angel of the North has stood guard over Northern England for over 20 years from its place in Gateshead. Recognised as an iconic example of public art and a symbol of Gateshead, it is the largest sculpture in Britain.
Reply: Dear reviewer,
We are sorry you did not enjoy viewing The Angel of the North. In the future, we suggest visiting buildings rather than sculptures
I kind of get where these people are coming from, although calling it a lump of metal is harsh. It's not that exciting I guess and you can see it from the motorway. I think most people go to see an incredible sculpture, perhaps get a close look and take a picture with their arms stretched out like Christ the Redeemer. Either way, a harsh review for an impressive piece of art. I do wonder a little what they expected. It's a sculpture, what do you want?
Windsor Castle
Of course, another castle makes the list. One of the reasons people visit the UK is for our historic buildings. Another is some people who love the royal family, or just the fact we have one. As such, their residences can be hot tourist spots. While there are some places we can't visit and some rooms which are off-limits, a visit to at least one royal residence is one to check off the list when visiting London.
Reply: Dear reviewer,
We are sorry to hear you didn't enjoy your trip to Windsor Castle, we are however glad it likely means you will not return as your boyfriend harassing the guard is disrespectful and childish.
I really feel sorry for guards, people are always messing with them which I think is most unfair. I'm waiting for the day either rules are relaxed or one snaps and some idiot gets decked. I am starting to wonder what people expect when visiting castles.
Chester Zoo
Having been described as one of the fifteen best zoos in the world, the best in the UK and third in the world, Chester Zoo is popular. With on-site restaurants, a play area, shops, kiosks and picnic areas, Chester Zoo has a lot to offer besides its animals. It puts on various events throughout the year and is the first zoo outside of New Zealand to breed the tuatara; a species of reptile that has survived from the Triassic period, over 250 million years ago.
Reply: Dear reviewer,
We are sorry that you found it hard to observe the animals. I suppose you would prefer if we refrained from trying to keep them in their natural environment and instead kept them in cages for your viewing pleasure. We would like you to please explain what you mean by animals easting so we can tell you whether or not they do.
Yeah sometimes animals are trying to keep cool, or warm, or are sleeping, or are shy, or perhaps are fed up of ugly creatures staring at them all day. I find it hard to believe that all of them kept out of sight when this person was around, or maybe the visitor was one of those loud obnoxious people the animals prefer to keep out of sight from. The ones who knock on snake enclosures to make them move. Also, it's so gratifying when someone who is complaining either can't spell or is so desperate to post their complaint they end up posting a rather glaring typing error.
There you have it, funny reviews we can judge people for, thank you internet. What do you think of these reviews, fair? Harsh? Confusing? Unbelievable? Let me know in the comments and if you enjoyed this post please share. Stay happy. healthy be kind and stay safe.
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